neighbors | stooptails

{The only way to break a heat wave}

{This post is brought to you by Glutino. Yay GF snacks!}

{So easily amused by friends with eye patches on}

Mom called it “garbage night.” When we were kids, about every fourth day was when mom had to purge the ‘fridge of leftovers. Everything was laid out and reheated and you mixed and matched what you wanted. Stooptails, like garbage night, was started to get rid of random alcohols we had.

This week’s Stooptail started with the fact that Stoop-guy Chris had been roped into buying a bottle of Campari by the guy at the liquor store. The guy suggested it when Chris asked what mixers should be a staple in your home bar.

If you are like us and you have seen Campari at bars but never knew what flavor it was, I suspect you’re like most of the known world…including the people who make it. When we googled “Campari” the first two things we saw were the Campari website with this sentence, “The unique and unmistakable Campari flavor, the basis of cocktails served all over the world” and “Campari is an alcoholic liqueur, considered an apéritif, obtained from the infusion of herbs and fruit in alcohol and water”. Uh-huh. Well, that told us a fat lot of nothing.

For the record, the flavor of Campari is bitter and weird. And bitter.

Since Jessica also wanted blueberry-infused vodka we started with those two ingredients. When the original recipe resulted in something bitter, yet somehow flavorless, we started searching through Jess’s ‘fridge to see what we could use to make a drink with Campari that actually tasted good.

By the end, the kitchen counter had enough liquids spilled on it to be a mixer on its own, Jess would have left my retinas scarred with citrus juice if it hadn’t been for the barrier of my prescription glasses, and we came up with Blinded by Lime:

½ shot of Campari
1 shot of blueberry-infused vodka (one pint fresh blueberries, muddled in half a fifth of vodka and chilled in the refrigerator for at least six hours, preferably overnight)
2 shots San Pellegrino mineral water
2 shots hard apple cider (ours was naturally fermented, which means it was a container of apple cider that had been in Jess’s ‘fridge since Thanksgiving of last year. That’s not a date used for humor, it really had been in there that long.)
¼ lime

Combine Campari, vodka, apple cider in cocktail shaker with ice and shake about 10 seconds or until the outside of the shaker is as cold as you like. Strain into glasses, add San Pellegrino, squeeze in lime and add fresh ice. Drop in a few blueberries.

Evening’s Theme Song – “It’s Too Hot For Words” by Billie Holiday

Evening’s Stoop Snacks – Glutino pretzels, soft and hard cheeses, crackers and chocolate covered strawberries, which are stupidly simple to make and never fail to impress. Just make sure your strawberries are dry; even drops of water will mess with the consistency of melted chocolate.

Things determined, decided upon, and discussed:

Gluten-free pizza is like methadone. You don’t really want it but if the alternative messes you up, you’ll take it.
Eating while very drunk (aka “drunk eating”) make you look like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of its mouth. This was realized after guest drinker, Jen, described other guest drinker and her husband, Doyle’s actions while attempting to eat pizza after a night of bar-hopping. Hand/mouth coordination is lost and food is guided toward the mouth in any direction except straight on. Exaggerated chewing also is displayed.
Jess shared with us that she has twice heard someone in the building on the other side of the backyard having sex loud enough to make her blush and leave the room. We estimated it’s about half a block distance between the buildings. We determined that when we finally leave New York, nothing will surprise us.
Guest-drinker, Jen, shared the story of her trip to Amsterdam with her 21-year-old cousin whose bucket list for the trip was: “Reefer. Hookers. Anne Frank Museum.” in that order. Despite the fact that the story involved him in the shower at 4:30 a.m. repeating expletives in a low moan like some kind of dipsomanical Gregorian chant, we think he’ll evolve into a smart person just for the Anne Frank bit.

{Everything’s Fine}

{HB and Ruby – Behind bars where it’s safer for everyone}

You know how sometimes when you make plans but chaos tries to interfere and by ignoring chaos your plans work out just as you thought they would? (It helps if you say “yes” at this point.) This week’s Stooptails played out very much like that.

And the cocktail’s name reflects that – Everything’s Fine

The guest Random Bottle of Booze was Creme de Cacao (also knows as Creme de Whatever because no one ever seemed sure of the exact pronunciation).

Equal parts:

Brandy
Kahlua
Creme de Cacao

Ben & Jerry’s Vanilla Ice Cream (Yes, you should use B&J’s because less air is whipped in making it more dense and it melts slowly.)

Combine first three ingredients in a shaker with ice and shake about ten seconds or until the outside is chilled to your desire. Strain into wide mouth glass and top with large spoonful of Ben & Jerry’s. We discovered that as the B&J’s slowly melts it seeps into the drink, not only adding to the flavor but acting as ice to keep the drink cool.

Evening’s Theme Song – “Perpetual Blues Machine” by Keb Mo

Evening’s Stoop Snacks – Popcorn. This was supposed to be Kettle corn but the store didn’t have any; however, as our theme reflected, everything was fine. The saltiness of the popcorn complimented the sweetness of the drink (and Jess’s chef-boyfriend, Eric, told me how to pop microwave popcorn in a pot on the stove). Snack two: A “spectacular chocolate cashew buttercrunch” knows as Fraktals. A friend brought me a bag from Canada and this stuff is like the meth of the candy world. Seriously, order yourself some. Now.

Things determined, decided upon, and discussed:

While in Provincetown, MA for the weekend with boyfriend Chef Eric, Darwin Dog, and rainy weather, Jess learned the following:

Theme weeks are very common in P-town. They do not, however, consist of themes like we had for high school spirit week. No Western Week or Wear Your Clothes Backwards theme. No. Definitely not those types of themes.
When you realize that your boyfriend’s idea of driving on the beach to come get you will not end well – verbalize this. It can take up to two hours to get a 2005 Nissan Altima out of the sand.
It’s a safe bet to assume a man is gay when he’s playing the piano and singing “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” to a Golden Retriever.

During Stooptails, we learned the following:

Four dogs, five people, two grumpy neighbors, and a pizza delivery guy make things a bit chaotic but in the end you’re with friends and…everything’s fine.
Commit to your crazy. Old female neighbors in housecoats – one on either side, mind you – just stare at you when you’re having a good time. Don’t be wishy-washy! Stand on your stoop and shake a broom at us, or something. (And for the record, we weren’t even being loud.)
One of the best games to play on the New York subway is “Gay or European?” There will always be at least one dashingly handsome, slim man, dressed impeccably no matter the weather and you and your friends have to figure out if he’s a gay local or a European tourist before he speaks and reveals the truth.