Sometimes you learn a fact that threatens to shake your grip on reality…I recently found out that Mallomars are only available seasonally. Whaaaa?
For whatever reason I was craving Mallows (as I call them), something that, when I thought about it, I haven’t done for about five years. At the third store I finally found Pinwheels, a fine substitute. I’m still troubled by the creepy faux-Mallow that was at every store – the Whippet. WTF? Okay, first, a Whippet is a dog. Does this mean they grind up and layer greyhound-like canines into their cookies? I suspect so. You know why? Because the part that makes Whippet cookies creepy is a blood-red goo layer (they claim it’s raspberry).
Let’s take a look at the history of humans…prehistoric man, crouched around a fire holding sticks pointed to sharpness with rock edges. With ears constantly tuned for predators they huddled around the fire and roasted marshmallows on the ends of those pointed sticks before sandwiching them between graham crackers and adding several squares from a Hersheys chocolate bar. Never did they add a layer of freakin’ raspberry gel. Yet, the makers of Whippets believe this is necessary. And you know who makes Whippets? A company named Dare. Yeah, they Dare you to eat them.
If chocolate, shortbread-like cookies, and marshmallows were supposed to have raspberry associated with them then early man would have named the aforementioned treat ‘smoraspberries. But they didn’t, did they? I rest my case. Oh yeah, and Jessica was the one who told me Mallomars are seasonal. After reading this article my additional love for rain and Beaujolais nouveau parties makes sense. Having been born in September I am an autumn baby, genetically predisposed to things that come out in the fall. Jess also said the Pepperidge Farms version of Tim Tams (see last post) are seasonal as well.
This week on the stoop the skies threatened us with some awfully dark gray clouds but we did not fear because we had No Rain:
Start by making lemonade (or just buy someone but this is kinda fun):
- juice of 4-5 lemons (you can use more if you want it more lemony)
- 1 cup water
- 1 cup sugar
- 4 cups cold water
- Strawberries (optional)
Tip before squeezing the lemons: Roll them on the counter while applying pressure with the palm of your hand. It allows for more juice to be squeezed out.
In a small saucepan heat the 1 cup water and sugar over low to medium heat, stirring until the sugar melts. You’ve just created “simple syrup”. You can also buy simple syrup. You can either wait for it to cool or put it in the freezer until it’s cool enough to add to the 4 cups of cold water that you have put in that one pitcher that’s up on that high shelf, you know that pitcher you never use and you always think, “I should get rid of this because I never use it” but you really do like it and then you read a recipe for lemonade and you’re like, “Knew there was a reason I kept this. I’m so smart.”
We dropped a handful of fresh strawberries in the blender and pureed them to add to the lemonade, gave it some variety and Jess said it was very refreshing. She also said some mint would have been good but once Stooptails has started you’re not allowed to go out for other ingredients. Ya just use what you have around the kitchen.
- 1 cup lemonade with ice to 1 – 2 shots vodka. (I had two shots but Jess was sleepy having just come back from a trip to Wisconsin so she only had one.)
Evening’s Theme Song – “Ghosts” The Jam
Evening’s Stoop Snacks – Pinwheels. Corn tortilla chips with guacamole (we cheated and bought a package of spice mix and added it to mashed up avocados). Personal cantaloupes (these are cute little cantaloupes that are not a ton bigger than a softball. Thank you 5th Ave farmers’ market).
Things determined, decided upon, and discussed:
- Häagen-Daz’s Black Cherry Amaretto gelato freakin’ rocks. I’ve always been a Ben & Jerry’s girl but on our way home from the airport I made Jess buy me ice cream (payment for picking her up, even though I volunteered to do it because I know I, personally, am creeped out by 99% of town cars and taxis). The Häagen-Daz shop had the BCA flavor so I got some with jimmies (aka chocolate sprinkles) and was seriously impressed by the richness of flavor and chunks of real cherries. And having had gelato in Italy I can say HD holds their own just fine. Besides, how can you not support a company that supports the bees and their crisis? (Not to mention their first retail store was in Brooklyn, the coolest borough.)
- Not enough people monetize their effort when doing dumb shit. Is driving a washing machine out to the middle of nowhere and dumping it really cheaper and easier than – depending on what part of the country you live in – the $25 to take it to the dump or pay for one of those stickers for the trash people to haul it away?
- The above being said, we then wondered if forest creatures are actually delighted when a GE washer shows up in the woods. A ready-made house! And if it’s one of those stackable units you have a two-family condo.
- Talking about running is like consuming too much alcohol. You start to think, “Yeah, I could do that.” Then it’s, “Maybe, I’ll do that.” Next comes, “I think I’ll sign up for that.” The next morning you wake up and realize you’ve registered for the 2014 Bataan Memorial Death March Marathon. Don’t drink and talk running, people. It’s just not worth it. (I didn’t actually sign up for the Bataan, however I am still considering it for 2015 since I’ll be out of town for the 2014 run. But I am registered for the Tunnel to Towers run in September. If anyone is liquored up and reading this, I could use a bit more help toward my fundraising goal of $1000 to this awesome charity. I have no shame – Do you have $10? We’ll name a drink after you. But if you like animals more than people, consider instead donating that $10 to Jess’s fundraising goal toward her run for the ASPCA.)