Blinded by Lime

{The only way to break a heat wave}

{This post is brought to you by Glutino. Yay GF snacks!}

{So easily amused by friends with eye patches on}

Mom called it “garbage night.”  When we were kids, about every fourth day was when mom had to purge the ‘fridge of leftovers. Everything was laid out and reheated and you mixed and matched what you wanted. Stooptails, like garbage night, was started to get rid of random alcohols we had.

This week’s Stooptail started with the fact that Stoop-guy Chris had been roped into buying a bottle of Campari by the guy at the liquor store. The guy suggested it when Chris asked what mixers should be a staple in your home bar.

If you are like us and you have seen Campari at bars but never knew what flavor it was, I suspect you’re like most of the known world…including the people who make it. When we googled “Campari” the first two things we saw were the Campari website with this sentence, “The unique and unmistakable Campari flavor, the basis of cocktails served all over the world” and “Campari is an alcoholic liqueur, considered an apéritif, obtained from the infusion of herbs and fruit in alcohol and water”.  Uh-huh. Well, that told us a fat lot of nothing.

For the record, the flavor of Campari is bitter and weird. And bitter.

Since Jessica also wanted blueberry-infused vodka we started with those two ingredients. When the original recipe resulted in something bitter, yet somehow flavorless, we started searching through Jess’s ‘fridge to see what we could use to make a drink with Campari that actually tasted good.

By the end, the kitchen counter had enough liquids spilled on it to be a mixer on its own, Jess would have left my retinas scarred with citrus juice if it hadn’t been for the barrier of my prescription glasses, and we came up with Blinded by Lime:

• ½ shot of Campari
• 1 shot of blueberry-infused vodka (one pint fresh blueberries, muddled in half a fifth of vodka and chilled in the refrigerator for at least six hours, preferably overnight)
• 2 shots San Pellegrino mineral water
• 2 shots hard apple cider (ours was naturally fermented, which means it was a container of apple cider that had been in Jess’s ‘fridge since Thanksgiving of last year. That’s not a date used for humor, it really had been in there that long.)
• ¼ lime

Combine Campari, vodka, apple cider in cocktail shaker with ice and shake about 10 seconds or until the outside of the shaker is as cold as you like. Strain into glasses, add San Pellegrino, squeeze in lime and add fresh ice. Drop in a few blueberries.

Evening’s Theme Song – “It’s Too Hot For Words” by Billie Holiday

Evening’s Stoop Snacks – Glutino pretzels, soft and hard cheeses, crackers and chocolate covered strawberries, which are stupidly simple to make and never fail to impress. Just make sure your strawberries are dry; even drops of water will mess with the consistency of melted chocolate.

Things determined, decided upon, and discussed:

• Gluten-free pizza is like methadone. You don’t really want it but if the alternative messes you up, you’ll take it.
• Eating while very drunk (aka “drunk eating”) make you look like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of its mouth. This was realized after guest drinker, Jen, described other guest drinker and her husband, Doyle’s actions while attempting to eat pizza after a night of bar-hopping. Hand/mouth coordination is lost and food is guided toward the mouth in any direction except straight on. Exaggerated chewing also is displayed.
• Jess shared with us that she has twice heard someone in the building on the other side of the backyard having sex loud enough to make her blush and leave the room. We estimated it’s about half a block distance between the buildings. We determined that when we finally leave New York, nothing will surprise us.
• Guest-drinker, Jen, shared the story of her trip to Amsterdam with her 21-year-old cousin whose bucket list for the trip was: “Reefer. Hookers. Anne Frank Museum.” in that order. Despite the fact that the story involved him in the shower at 4:30 a.m. repeating expletives in a low moan like some kind of dipsomanical Gregorian chant, we think he’ll evolve into a smart person just for the Anne Frank bit.

Natural Progression

{Natural Progression, brought to you by watermelon and Pretzel Crisps}

{Masters of disguise}

{The life of a Freegan}

We announced that naming a drink must be an organic process; one should not force a name on a drink. “Like a natural progression” my boyfriend, the chef, said. So, with that logic in mind, we give you the Natural Progression:

• 1 shot of cucumber-infused gin (we infused our bottle with sliced cucumber and ginger over night). The longer you let the gin infuse and the better ingredients you use, the better it’s likely to taste.
• Fresh mint for muddling
• approximately 1 teaspoon of sugar (this was off the cuff for us, so start with a little and move up from there depending on how sweet you like your drink)
• One lime
• Tonic or soda water

Muddle the mint with sugar and just enough gin to make it moist, then add muddled mint and sugar to glass. Fill glass with ice cubes, then add infused gin and fill with tonic or soda water. Garnish with a slice of lime and slices of gin-infused cucumber.

Note: we did not measure our gin using a jigger. Drunkenness ensued.

Evening’s Theme Song – “North Side Gal” JD McPherson from our new favorite Seattle-based radio station.

Evening’s Stoop Snacks – Watermelon, Pretzel Chips, corn tortilla chips & salsa, hummus. I learned that it’s not funny to add non-gluten free snacks (Pretzel Chips) to Stooptails snacks when serving a Natural Progression (drunkenness and monitoring Maria’s food aversions don’t mix. I wonder if she’ll ever forgive me.)

Things determined, decided upon and discussed:

• The Natural Progression is the most dangerous cocktail we’ve made thus far. It could’ve been the 95 degree heat (or the fact that we didn’t measure our pours), but it’s so refreshing, it went down a little too easily.
• Stoop-Guy Chris (Maria’s weird runner husband) is hoping to run the 2015 100-mile Western States Endurance race. These were the replies he received: Guest Drinker (our original guest drinker, Karoline’s, boyfriend Jeff): “I broke four miles today!” The Chef: “I drove that distance last weekend and I was tired.” We’re all behind ya, Chris.
• Endurance runner Charlie Engel is crazy. After running across the Sahara Desert and the U.S., he spent 16 months in jail for mortgage fraud. In trying to remember Charlie’s name, we discussed Karoline’s dad, Richard Engel, who works at GE and received highly-classified e-mails from the folks at NBC when journalist Richard Engel was a hostage. Lesson learned: I have early-onset memory loss and anyone who does things to the extreme ends up in jail.
• What we decided we’d all go to jail for: Stoop-Guy: “killing someone with my bare hands so other inmates would think I’m too crazy to mess with,” me: pulling off an Ocean’s 11-worthy heist,” Guest Drinker: “anything but tax evasion, because that’s lame,” Maria: “something illegal but morally right, like overthrowing an evil dictator. She’d later be busted out by the A-Team,” Karoline: “something lame, but completely epic and flamboyant when she does it, like dine and dash on a $100,000 restaurant tab” The Chef: “something disturbing, like a really creative killing that will later inspire a movie character” (my boyfriend, folks).
• Stoop-sitting has its practical uses: checking out the free books, movies and CDs left over from our neighbor’s yard sale.
• Add this to your bucket list: an Outstanding in the Field dinner.
• Last week was so hot, Guest Drinker took 11 showers in four days. We all guessed less.
• Don’t eat cucumber garnishes that have been soaking in gin for 24 hours. It’ll add to the drunkenness.
• Don’t drink Grappa unless you’re a guy. The girls in attendance weren’t into it.

And our favorite quote: “I can’t see because I have an eyepatch on,” from our favorite guest drinker, Karoline. This is why she’s always allowed on the stoop.